Angie Transcendent

August 30th, 2010

Salt

Directed by Philip Noyce
Starring Angelina Jolie, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Liev Schreiber
2010

Salt film poster (2010)

It is regrettable that some people call Angelina Jolie “Angie”. I find this overly-familiar, even from her father (who is only occasionally permitted contact) and her partner, Brad Pitt, who appears to see an all-American normalcy in her that the rest of the world does not. Angie is about as much an Angie as I am a Cressida or Sheherazade. Angelina is “Angelina”, but she is really only “Angelina Jolie”, since “Angelina” is incomplete and also over-familiar, though no so much as to provoke a slap in the face. “Jolie” is too weak, too accessible and too kind to describe this unusual woman. “Angelina” may have to do here though, since her full name is so exhaustingly long. Prolific, even. It is embarrassing, though. I feel like an unhinged gossip columnist.

Is Angelina Jolie the most beautiful woman on earth? She may well be. She is certainly among them. Anyone who sees, for example, the runway sequence in Gia (1998) in which she weaves her way druggedly along in a Botticelli-inspired bridal gown, sees something very much like an angel. The vulgarity of her over-determined features and titanic lips simply makes her beauty universal, over-written enough that it can be perceived by the entire world: Angelina’s beauty plays in Europe, Latin America and India, for example, for different reasons. There is something for everyone in her magnificent face. She looks like one of the great beauties of the 1950s on steroids, like a next-generation take on the human race.

Runway Scene in Gia (1998)

Though one or two tats more and she will be unfilmable. Anyone see the absurdity of a film called Original Sin (2001) set in a 19th century Cuban plantation in which she was tatted up like a gang-banger? The bathtub scene washed away the foundation covering her tattoos, which made her a rather unusual historical damsel who resembled a death-row inmate.

One thing to know about Angelina is that she only occasionally uses stuntmen. She learned Krav Maga (a crunchy Israeli martial art involving breaking a bunch of bones) and the attenuated art of Muay Thai. (Krav Maga naturally won out in the achy-breaky fight sequences.) She takes lots of lessons for each film in things like knife throwing and ball kicking. Recreationally, she learned how to fly a plane, and the reasons for doing so are fascinating. Little Maddox, her son and first child, she discovered, enjoyed watching planes take off and land at an airstrip. It wasn’t enough to bring the child and sit next to him in the grass, watching. Angelina had to be the pilot the child was watching. Brad Pitt has since taken lessons as well, which I’m sure brings his middle American family no end of pleasure to contemplate. It would not really surprise me if Angelina eventually dispensed with the plane, and simply just took flight. Angelina is always coming into Being.

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Department: Charivari: Gordon Grice

August 25th, 2010

Naturalist Gordon Grice and Zodiac the tarantula
Photo by Parker Grice

Naturalist Gordon Grice and his pet tarantula

As a committed arachnophobe, I had to return to this photograph of author Gordon Grice and his pet Chilean Rose tarantula no less than twenty times before I could work out what I was seeing and feeling. This photograph began as a picture of my worst nightmare, literally. I read that this species is an ambush hunter: doesn’t sound good.

Several years ago, in pursuit of medication for a sick fish, I went to an aquarium hobbyist store in Chinatown, here in Toronto. It sold fish, many different species—all alive—and the surprisingly limitless paraphernalia that can come to accompany an aquarium. Little terracotta follies. Nets, oxygen tanks, etc. Out of the all the objects in the store (and the owner, if you want to include him, with all his fishy information), there were only four objects that didn’t fit the set. Two terrariums containing a tarantula each. Why the fish store owner chose to deviate from his theme is unknown. I was fascinated and literally sickened by my reaction. The tarantulas were inert, and maybe the most boring specimens on earth. They did not appear to move between visits. They did not appear to make burrows. They might well have been dead. They just sat there, like separate bumps on separate logs.

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Signs and Wonders

August 16th, 2010

No Country for Old Men
Directed by Ethan Coen and Joel Coen
Starring Tommy Lee Jones, Josh Brolin, Javier Bardem
2007

I defy you to keep easy track of the kills made by Anton Chigurh. His first, with perfect symbolism for a novel and film about law and order and crime and chaos, is of a silly young deputy in an actual jail where Chigurh is handcuffed. He gets the cuffs around the young man’s neck, and then it is just the work of holding on as the deputy thrashes and thrashes. Chigurh’s eyes (those of Spanish actor Javier Bardem) are bulging, and the deputy’s death rattle provokes an obscene swoon from the killer. This may be the film’s only vulgarity.

It put me in mind of a documentary I saw about tarantulas. One couple, known honest to god as Tucson Blondes, rolled around and kicked with all sixteen legs at each other and the ground when a gentleman came calling and the lady wasn’t in the mood. The male didn’t make it; the female was largely uninjured. I bet the wild action painting the Coen Brothers organized with black shoe polish and legs trying to get a purchase on the ground matched the markings scratched into the dirt by those frantic spiders.

Action painting, No Country-style

The West Texas land gives of itself almost nothing, but things are perched on it like rocks and soil hostile to life, dirt more like it. It does a good impression of the middle of nowhere. There is a kind of beauty for those passing through. Staying means death. In his introduction, hunter Llewellyn Moss (played by Josh Brolin) takes aim at an antelope and misses. And there we have it. A hunter: but will he prove good enough? G.W. had the iconography of the cowboy more or less right, as did Reagan, but you see immediately that the real thing is as hard, spare and grim as Cormac McCarthy’s writing. The men’s faces are masculine, hard, with unnecessarily thick moustaches. Their bodies are sinewy, thinned, realistic, without decorative musculature or even decorative asses. Real cowboys consume a certain number of calories more than the poor, but not a lot more. They are masters at tracking. Every man in the film can read the ground, and does routinely like we read a clock. It is all nature, no culture, not in the sense that the nature/culture divide intends.

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Blair disarmed

August 6th, 2010

The Ghost Writer

Directed by Roman Polanski

Starring Pierce Brosnan, Ewan McGregor, Olivia Williams

2010

The Ghost Writer

British Prime Minister Adam Lang

Modern political memoirs are a genre of hackwork unto themselves; they are meant to be seen and not heard.  They are doorstops, the literary equivalent of first editions with uncut pages, something to leave prominently located yet unread.  Issued for “historical” interest in immense quantities, they invariably end up remaindered, as a group of publishers discuss in an early, excellent scene in Roman Polanski’s “The Ghost Writer”.  In fact, statesmen’s contentless, lying memoirs and the standard multi-million dollar advance fee are an accepted way of enriching a politician in his after-life.  They are actually retirement plans and corporate thank-yous.  That anyone would undertake to print a written document by George W. Bush (“Decision Points” is soon upon us) or Sarah Palin (“Going Rogue”), two figures so deeply hostile to language, is the proof in the pudding.  I myself have read a brace of books on Bill and Hillary Clinton, but wouldn’t dream of reading their memoirs, as there is surely nothing more there than a combination of stale horror-language, elision and falsity.  Perhaps a political memoir should be approached as something no more than a long-winded alibi. 

The modern political memoir is always written by a ghost writer, who interviews his subject to extract data and some sense of the subject’s language, and cuts and pastes long patches of historical boilerplate.  (“I turn your answers into prose,” explains ghostwriter Ewan McGregor to former UK Prime Minister Adam Lang.  Polanski simply has to be playing with Le Bourgeois gentilhomme and the vulgarian’s discovery that he has been “speaking prose his whole life.”)  Sometimes the nominal author is honest, and acknowledges that the book was written “with” so-and-so.  This is not common in political memoirs; celebrity dieters or weight-lifters tend to be more honest about their authorship as no one expects them to read and write.  Statesmen are hilariously expected to be literate.

What is distasteful about the ghost writer is the often correct suspicion that he is not only producing text for the inarticulate, but that he is also producing thought for the bereft.  Thus, the celebrity’s hackneyed joke about not having gotten around to reading his own memoirs.  The ghost writer is a cheat; in academia, he’d be tossed out.  You never hear about beautiful ghost writing, ghost writing that stirs the heart.  It is as if the bad faith of the process corrodes the product from the inside out.  Our ghostwriter’s publisher demands a draft in one month.  And then, as the former Prime Minister is caught up in scandal and the book becomes topical, the publisher changes the deadline to two weeks.  Of course, a writer alternating lines of coke with bumps of crystal meth couldn’t produce a few hundred pages in that time frame, which is part of the delicious joke of what are sometimes called “instant books” in the trade.

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The fashionable Lady Gaga

February 2nd, 2010

Before she had an audience, it was just Gaga and her mirror.  And for a while, it got weird.  Four years ago, she was living on the Lower East Side of Manhattan, after leaving school and her parents’ financial support.  In her shitty little apartment, she would order a bag of cocaine from a delivery service, get high, and work on her hair and makeup for hours.  She’d get it perfect, and then come down from the coke and do it all over again.

—-Rolling Stone[1]

”The biggest misconception about me is that I’m a character or a persona.  That when the lights and cameras turn off, I turn into a pumpkin.  It’s simply not true.  I make music and art and design all day long.  Yes, I wash my face and go to sleep but when I wake up, I am always Lady Gaga.”

—-Sydney Morning Herald[2]

“Lady Gaga has been sent to Earth to infiltrate human culture one sequin at a time.”

—-“Transmission: Gagavision” from the weblog at LadyGaga.com

Lady Gaga arriving at London's Radio One, 2009.

Lady Gaga arriving at London's Radio One, 2009.

Over the last two years, a small, rather plain-faced young woman has appeared in popular culture, asserting her riddling persona in ways that have nearly every critic engaged. I have scrutinized hundreds of photographs of her, and I am still not sure precisely what she looks like off-duty, as it were, such is the extremity of her disguises. Her plainness (she lives on the border of beauty and not) gives her viewers the satisfaction of serious feeling (since her appeal is not universal) and gives her an immediate passkey to the world of High Art (her appeal is exclusive). Her extraordinary costumes, so nutty and witheringly chic, so embarrassing and fascist, so meticulous and creative, transform a quick dash from the limo to the television studio into performance art. You never see her photographed in jeans and a tee-shirt, or bouncing through Central Park in a track suit. Only recently has she hired a permanent stylist. Instead, she has an obscure group of helpers and designers called the Haus of Gaga, a place where I imagine that Sacha Baron Cohen’s Brüno mans the phones.

Lady Gaga in London, April 2009.

Lady Gaga in London, April 2009.

Lady Gaga is better than traditionally beautiful: she is genuinely riveting to look at. (As Karl Lagerfeld remarked about Anna Piaggi, elderly resident of the avant-garde and a revered editor at Vogue Italia: “She’s not pretty, she’s worse.”) It is a rare thing to get an unobstructed view of her face, which is covered in distracting makeup and decals, a collection of sunglasses of considerable antiquity or extraordinary construction, and scene-stealing hats and hairstyles (including hats made of hair). Appropriately, one of Gaga’s great heroes is the ultra-reclusive, ultra-fashionable Belgian designer Martin Margiela, a former assistant to Jean-Paul Gaultier, another Gaga icon. Maison Martin Margiela goes so far in its effacement of the perfect faces of its models that it often sends them down the runway veiled. Lately, the Maison has created the Islamic Revolution-esque censor bar sunglasses (“L’Incognito”), which cancel the eyes in a vaguely Star-Trekky way as much as they shield them. In the improbable setting of the 2009 Malta Music Week, Gaga met the press in a studded black dress, her face covered by a black S&M mask, which she called a “contemporary art piece”. Likewise, at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards, Gaga sported a red Alexander McQueen crown with lace face mask.

Lady Gaga in bondage mask at MTV Malta in Floriana, Malta (July 2009).

Lady Gaga in Alexander McQueen Archive, MTV VMA show in 2009.

“There is certainly a performance art element to all of this,” says Gaga. “I get challenged in interviews all the time, people asking me whether the clothes distract from the music. They’re not separate; it’s not one or the other. I dress the way I do to demonstrate my commitment to show business.”

In public appearances, Gaga never wears the same outfit twice, and never borrows from the Armani-Prada vocabulary of pre-fab good taste beloved of most public figures. Every detail, from hat to hair to shoes, is unlikely. For a modern-day celebrity, Gaga must produce at least one new outfit per day, and the most astonishing feat is the relentless good quality of her constructions. Gaga’s loony, wonderful outfits have become one of life’s few constants, like death and taxes. Some of her most famous ensembles have been constructed on the fly, literally within an hour of a photo shoot. As a marketing device, it works brilliantly, guaranteeing weekly Gaga coverage in all the magazines, and daily coverage from the bloggers. Gaga has achieved in only two years a kind of global ubiquitousness that would have taken half a decade at least in the 1990s.

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Big Trouble in Paradise

June 27th, 2009

Sexy Beast, 2000. Directed by Jonathan Glazer.

Gal Dove relaxes in "Sexy Beast"

Gal Dove relaxes in "Sexy Beast"

“Sexy Beast” opens on a scene of simple, Hockney-like geometry. A square pool. A horizontal white plinth of lounge chair. A male body, roughly rectangular. Many shades of blue. The establishing shot marvels at a near-African sun.

Two overlapping pink hearts, candy-shaped, feature in mosaic at the bottom of the perfect blue pool. These are the kind of hearts that, like tiki torches and umbrella-laden drinks, suddenly look agreeable, even touching, and so deeply right in a tropical setting. Totally tasteless and totally sincere. No impoverished labourers created that mosaic, no: those hearts are made of pure love.

The body looks edible, tenderized, like a slab of medium-rare steak. The slicked-back hair is a glorious honey blond, striped with white. The body is doughy and middle-aged but still lushly beautiful, tanned the ridiculous mahogany of vacationing Englishmen. It is covered only with tiny yellow Speedo briefs. The body can barely rouse itself to deliver a rapturous monologue on its pleasures.

Sun, semi-nudity, solitude. It’s all right there on the surface. A vision of calming hedonism, of gorgeousness in exile on the Costa del Sol. The souped-up reggae of “Peaches” by the Stranglers is a perfect, cheerily insinuating soundtrack.

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R.I.P. Michael Jackson

June 26th, 2009

Michael Jackson with baby tiger

The sentence “Michael Jackson is dead”, which I have already read at least twenty times, is utterly surreal.  It strikes me as a logical impossibility.  This is like reading that “Frosty the Snowman is dead”.  This is like reading “my childhood is dead”, and I know that it is that way for billions of people around the world even as I type. The world seems more enchanted and more filled than ever before with the grieving citizens of Cape Verde and Paraguay and Nepal.   It is dark right now where I live. I see these other citizens in my mind’s eye, flickering like the lights at a million different vigils on every square inch of the map of the world.

We seem to be in for one of those disabling celebrity deaths that take a week or more to process.  Where nothing gets done globally.

The first thought in my head when I read that Michael Jackson was dead was that if he were now dead, it must mean that he had formerly been alive, and that shocked me.  When I read something about a heart attack, even at the terribly young age of 50, I thought “how banal”, and I was shocked by the ordinary nature of his death.  (Yes, even if it were due to a Demerol overdose.  Who among us would not expect something inconceivable, if asked to speculate?  A grisly, improbable accident; something grotesquely sexual; a shocking act of violence; a shatteringly sad suicide?)  But death by pharmaceuticals?  Just like the lady next door, if you happened to live in a heartbreak hotel.

I am shocked to learn that the rules of biology apply to him, to this being whose physical self resembled less and less and less anything easy to recognize as human. If you had told me that he ate platefuls of sand every day, washed down with glasses of motor oil, I would have been inclined to believe it.  He seemed no longer to have a race or gender—-these observations are merely clichés at this point—-and his impossible thinness had been disturbing for decades.  He seemed a biological singularity, an event existing outside the laws of aging and calorie consumption.

I am surprised, in fact, that he was among us for so long.

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Thoughts on Britney Spears, so two years ago

August 6th, 2008

—“When you’re with her, you feel like you’re in the center of the universe. And maybe you are. She’s the soap opera the world can’t stop watching.”

Vanessa Grigoriadis, “The Tragedy of Britney Spears”. Rolling Stone (21 February 2008).

zero

Britney Spears was not particulately interesting in her sane incarnation, and it is pretentious and false to imply otherwise. Possibly the only interesting observer of the Lolita phenomenon was Vladimir Nabokov. Britney sane appeared punishingly stupid. One was surprised to find her capable of speech at all. And, in fact, it wasn’t much in the way of speech, as evidenced by “Britney & Kevin: Chaotic”, which had the repellent aspect of an empty-headed girl who has come to regard her every gurgle and shriek as cinematic.

Britney has gotten better, before she got worse again, but not nearly as bad as when she was very unwell. Lindsay has stepped in, like an understudy, serving a few days in prison. That ought to teach her.

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